Just Passing Through

Of all the books I read in elementary school, there are two that I distinctly remember reading: Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli and There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom by Louis Sachar. I cried for hours after finishing them - I sat up after my bedtime with my poor mom, who listened to me blubber about imaginary characters, and she told me that I had a big heart. I couldn't understand how someone could irreversibly change someone's life and just leave - the injustice of it all shattered my fragile psyche. And yet some part of me almost wanted to have my heart broken, instead of reading about imaginary characters to feel it in my stead.

Fast-forward to 2005. My family hosted the young girl who would later become my little sister in a program called Journey of Hope, which connected young eastern European orphans to midwestern families for a summer. The first time I can remember being in an airport was picking her up at Minneapolis-St. Paul International, and the second time was when we had to drop her back off. We led her through the throng of people towards security, and watched her trying to stay in the back of the line so she could say goodbye one last time. It was the saddest I could ever remember being, and we remained silent as we made the long drive home. In just five weeks, we had both welcomed a young spirit into our house and watched it leave us, irreversibly changed. The next year was filled with translators and meetings and long-distance phone calls, but eventually we achieved our happy ending and my sister came home.

All of this was in my mind as I walked away from airport security for the umteenth time this year, shedding a single manly tear. This time I wasn't actually traveling anywhere; I was dropping my dad off on a flight back to Minnesota after a 9-day abridged tour of England and Paris. All in all, we did pretty well: Oxford, London, Malvern Hills, Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, Mona Lisa, Van Gogh... I had fun. It was sad, for a moment at least. Me and my big heart. Though all in all it was a much happier parting than the last time I had dropped someone off in an airport, as I knew that in less than two months I'd be seeing him again. But it occurred to me that my parents had been through something similar for three of their four children now... sometimes short term, sometimes long term. It's funny how things work out like that, because I'd never have thought to call us such an international family, but since 2005 we kind of have been. I imagine it's kind of mixed blessing for them, seeing all the places their children are going but also spending a lot of time saying goodbye in airports.

I remember when my mom first told me about the Journey of Hope program, and I remember five weeks later when she told me we would be adopting my sister. The future seemed like such a daunting concept even then, and through many tears and muddled emotions I told her that nothing's going to be normal anymore, is it? To which she replied, no, I guess we have to find a new normal. I guess we did.

Bringing It All Back Home

My god, what happened to February? Did January even happen? And now it's April. I turn around and all of a sudden it's spring break and we're registering for next semester and I go back home in two months. Home... remember home? I thought I remembered home, but now I'm not so sure. Home sure feels like the place that I sleep, where I return to after a trip and where I write these posts. Home is where the heart is, and for sure I will be a leaving a piece of my heart in England.

A long, long time ago, on a lake far, far away... someone told me that my study abroad group would become a kind of family. I didn't believe them. Traditionally I haven't meshed well in big groups and I knew I was taking a gamble - but I lucked out. Seriously this has been the best seven months of my life and it's in no small part due to the people I'm with. There's no way I could have predicted pretty much anything that has happened so far, and I've always had someone to cheer with or complain to. It's pretty great.

At some point in the last month the impermanence of our situation started creeping into our thoughts and conversation. We all know that this nine month experience will end eventually, but it's making me really sad to think about it. This is the way I see it: in a year or two, most of us will be graduating anyway, and then we will all scatter into the great diaspora of life. Why rush it? After we get back, most of us are going back to Duluth, so why shouldn't the friendships we made here survive the trip over the Atlantic? So I keep telling myself, though I know that real life isn't quite so simple.

Above all, I will take this opportunity to enjoy what time and trips I have left. This past weekend we went to York. I suppose it's fitting that I visit the original York before New York, where I someday hope to live (at least for a little while.) It's a testament to how comfortable that I've become with these people that I worked up the courage to make a video featuring people other than myself. The videos are generally a lot of fun to make, and they're a great way to share what I've been doing to my stateside audience. But, of course, my videos serve another purpose: they document my year in a way that text never could. Thanks to this uniquely 21st century technology, I will be able to look back at myself in decades to come and really remember what a great time I had with my friends.

And who knows? Maybe we'll still be in touch.

All At Once

It was a beautiful early spring day, and after three hours of purgatory class, I walked down to my favorite park and watched the sun set over Worcester. The sky was clear, or at least, clear by English standards; what clouds that remained were bathed in pink and orange light as the sun made its slow plummet towards the horizon between the Malverns and the Cathedral. I was reminded of the last time I had watched - really watched - a sunset: August 29th, 2012. That night I had driven out to one of my favorite places to watch the night fall, for less than 12 hours later I would be leaving for Duluth, and everything would change.

See, I wasn't used to change. In my eyes, I haven't changed since like middle school. I mean, once I discovered the Beatles and got my first computer, the stage was pretty much set for everything that came after. Even most of my clothes are 4+ years old. But the thing you have to realize about change is that it has a nasty habit of sneaking up on you...

Opportunity Knocks Softly

Some of you may know that I spoke at my high school graduation. I guess I'm still proud of that speech, for the most part, but there's one part in particular that sticks in my memory:

"Right now, I’m still a little scared. But I’m not going to face my future like a deer in headlights, because it’s my future. And it’s exciting."

I have a confession to make: I lied. At that time, I wasn't excited about the future, or scared either. I didn't know what to think, because I don't usually think that far ahead. All I knew was that I was looking at another long, hot Minnesota summer and at the end of it, I would be going away. I certainly couldn't have guessed what I would actually be getting myself into. Change was coming, and, ironically enough, I was exactly like a deer in headlights (without the imminent threat of death, I suppose.)

During high school I came to develop an image of myself, a certain set of things that Mitchell Rysavy knows about himself and what he believes and what he wants to do with his life. Actually, if there's one thing I'm most sure about, it's my future self. Past Mitchell can be a jerk sometimes, but I've found out that future Mitchell is a pretty cool guy that you should totally hang out with sometime. So I've learned I don't need to be too concerned with the future, because if I do my part now, future Mitchell's got my back. Or... front? Whatever.

My freshman year ended up being the best and most challenging year of my life up to that point. Gone were any expectations set by anyone who knew me, and gone was any preconceived ideas of what Mitchell Rysavy would or should do when he walks into a room. Unlike many, I don't think I changed that much, but I did notice that many of the truths that I held to be self-evident about myself started crumbling. I started to question their use as a foundation for Mitchell as a person, and in doing so I slowly redefined myself in this new light. I gave myself a tuneup, if you're the kind of person that uses car metaphors for everything.

The point is, after a successful freshman year at UMD, I somehow managed to ensure that I wasn't going right back for a successful sophomore year - instead, I'd be going to Worcester taking a gamble in the success department. Why? I get this question lot from everyone, and from myself most of all. Why did I come to the University of Worcester? Why Worcester? Why England?

The truth is, even after three months here, I don't have a nice, prepackaged answer to these questions. I don't really know - but logically there must be a reason. I didn't really choose the University of Worcester specifically, and - interestingly enough - I didn't come here for academics. I just came because I saw an opportunity to do something different, and it fit with the new Mitchell - the same Mitchell who found his way to classroom on his third day on campus, and listened to a presentation about coming to some place called Worcester.

I didn't do it because I have some greater life plan that it fulfills, because I still don't think that far ahead. No, I came here because I saw that I was changing and I liked it, and I trusted that post-Worcester Mitchell would be near-unrecognizable from the person that gave that speech not so very long ago - I just needed a little push to get there.

Romancing the Stone(henge)

(for the record, the intro for this video was inspired by the opening credits of my favorite movie, School of Rock, and I regard it as the best 30 seconds of video I have ever created)

At some point on my train journey to Liverpool, I realized that I was:

1. Alone
2. Not Lost
3. Still Alive

It didn't even feel like I was traveling very far - although, to be fair, I spent more time on trains than I did in Liverpool itself. But I did it - I arranged my own travel and left Worcester by myself. That may not sound like a big deal, but it was to me!

Most of the rest of my time has been spent between Reddit and Netflix on an ordinary school schedule - wake up, eat, class. Eat a few more times. Get outside. Watch Buffy & Angel. Rinse. Repeat. The promise of routine helps keep me sane, but obviously I didn't come all this way to do exactly the same things I do at home.

A couple weekends ago the UMD group went to Stonehenge and the city of Bath. Stonehenge is cool because it's Stonehenge - a tourist mecca. I'm pretty sure England doesn't even count your visit to their country unless you go there. They reenact ritual sacrifices every twenty minutes. And the laser show - did I mention the laser show? You should go sometime.